My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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