smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
