if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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