If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
