Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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