my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
