at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
