That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
