ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
