this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
