i think my tv is drunk
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
