i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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