Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
