so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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