So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
