I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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