please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
