"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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