At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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