All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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