Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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