Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
