I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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