the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
