this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
