apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
