Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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