Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There's always time for handjobs
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My life is pants optional.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
