I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
A bitchslap is in order.
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