i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
