My hand turned me down
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
