I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
