Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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