Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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