haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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