just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
