TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
