New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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