im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
