Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
