Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
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