Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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