this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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