im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
