I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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