Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
