She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
