but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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