It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
