Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
