Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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