Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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